Well, my confessions are related to my online activities. I am addicted to chatting and have met many ladies online whom I can name. Looking back, my enjoyment of porn, perverse stories and equally perverse chatting bothers me a bit. Married ladies have told me of their bi-sexual affairs, asked me to have kids with them, get married to their daughters, men have asked me to make love to their wives and expressed various fantasies etc. All of this is virtual, but I feel guilty.
Sometimes I space out in class and ask myself the same question. What would it be like if I suddenly died?Will my parents continue on with life even though their youngest is gone?Will my friends eventually forget my existence?Will they cry?Will Jeremy cry?Will they miss me? Then I snap out of my trance and continue with on with life.
Happy birthday Ammu.. I couldnt wish you in person, I am sorry. A year ago I wouldnt have dreamt that we would have not talked for over half a year by now. You were everything I ever wanted. you shouldnt have left. Now that I have lost you I see how hard my life is without you. I have everything else I need but you and that makes all the difference in the world. I miss you. And for the first time, I have nothing to give you for your birthday.
"I wanna forget you. You have done more damage than anyone else has ever done to me. I have lost hope. I have lost trust. I have lost everything I built myself on. I am now a broken person. I have lost self respect. I am scared of who I have become. And all I see is my bright red flare before I burn out. I wish you could hear me. but no I want atleast one of us to remember us the way we were. My love for you deserves atleast that much N "
"I am convinced that I hate you. How could I love someone who hurt me so much, and still does. I play senarios in my head where you come back to me. It all ends with me saying no to you. I cant have you back, not after what you have done. I cannot justify it for you. I love you so much and yet I hate you for what you did. you were mine, you had no right. You were mine alone. and now when my heart asks me about you I lie, because I cant tell myself the truth. I cant tell myself you left N"
"My world is falling apart and i realise it. life on paper reads great. i hav everything I would need except you. everytime i walk somwhere I can feel the ground tremble as my hopes and dreams for us crush somewhere far away. I had hoped better from love. i had hoped better from you - Nin"
perhaps I should never say this out loud but I am not ok with us breaking up. I still love you and i know you will not love anyone else as much as you loved me. Breaking up because someone who doesnt know our love, thinks our love is childish the most idiotic thing we could ever do. You should have taken a stand. I would have fought the world for you but you didn’t and here we are. I am sorry but it makes me hate you. you hurt me and the person I loved the most. You. -Nin
"I don’t care about the world, you taught me I never had to.. I brave my hurt and laugh at them, like i always have but when I come back home to cry in your lap, and realise that you have gone and thats why I am hurtin, I don’t know what to do. Nothing is worth this pain. I miss you. mumu"
Go and talk to a friend or family member. Things will be fine for sure. Trust us!
Today the love of my life is getting engaged to someone else. Today I loose everything I ever wanted with life. After today I have nothing to fight for. Nothing to live for. The feeling of wanting to go too far nags me. I am loosing this and you are not by my side. I am scared.
Now she has someone else. Now she belongs to someone else. Her choice not anyone else’s. Someone else is gonna be loved. But will anyone else lover her as much? And now my watch ends. Now I am alone.
This is the end.. No more will I hurt for you.. This is truly the end.. You don’t deserve the place I hold for you.. I will move on.. But I will never heal..
I was lonely before I met you. You made me addicted to you. Now that you have left, and I am back to being alone,I hate myself. I have lost my best friend, my love and myself. I hope it was worth it for you.
I hate you.. For all the dreams you made me see.. For all the happiness that you made me feel.. For the sunsets that never were. For the endless nights that will never come.. I hate you for teaching me how to dream and then taking it away. I hate you.. so much.
I lied to you. I was always in love with you. Since the day we met for the first time. The day we became friends. the day we became best friends. the day we became more than best friends. I was always in love with you, all along. now we have parted ways. Never to meet ever again and still i love you, more than ever, every moment, every day. Find me someday. I would like to hold your hand once more. they fit so perfect. I miss it.
Everything I do reminds me of you. The scent in the air. The light in my eyes. The music in my ears and the taste on my lips scream of how much I love you. I want to move on, for your sake, for our sake. Why did I ever think loving you would be worth lossing everything. Loosing you is loosing everything,that’s the truth and I realize now. Mumu. Mine forever.